Writing on the Wall

Laptop computer with opened lid on table in meeting room of office workspace.

Most mornings I wake up with a clean slate..all that’s on my mind is making coffee and spending some alone time before the kids wake up. This morning I resolve to write down all the ideas swirling around in my head, ideas for shorts, stories and projects. Never mind the missed opportunities and the voice of doubt that was whispering mean things to me last night. It’s a new day, I’m going to make it count. I open my laptop, check my email and decide to take a ‘quick look’ at my social accounts before writing.. :/..you know how that goes. Rapidly, my maker energy ebbs, I become a consumer, searching in the giant world of things, places and people for some meaning,  looking outwards instead of inwards.

I go from a friend’s pictures holidaying in Bali, to researching how much it costs to vacation there, from there a yoga retreat, that a friend has tagged, so I explore the yoga retreat and the yoga teachers doing yoga in hauntingly beautiful, verdant spaces. I think, this is the year I should try yoga and begin to have that glowing skin and lean body too. Back to scrolling with a twinge of low self-regard. I look at some pictures of friends partying locally, check out the location and decide it’s too expensive for me to visit. I’m feeling a bit more like a loser now. I scroll.

I come upon the devastating story of a Sikh Police officer in Houston, Sandeep Dhaliwal, who was shot in the back of the head during a routine traffic stop. I read an article about the proliferation of online child sexual abuse in the New York Times. 45 million cases found this year. 45 million instances of CHILD abuse. I quickly exit, with a tightness in my chest. I look at the clock, its been 90 minutes. 90 minutes of looking at too many things in the world, emotions darting up and down, time spent with nothing to show for it. For too long my creative, personal time is taken over by lazy me, me who would rather scroll than write, scroll than run, look outwards instead of inwards.

At first, social media was the ‘water hole’ of the internet, a place to meet other humans, learn about the important things in the community and go back to living my life. But then the community got wider, the places more distant, the lives more different and all the pictures, the articles, the comments, the outrage…

The watering hole must be visited in small, meaningful doses lest the internal well of empathy, ideas and creative impulses dries up. Technology brings a lot of positivity and productivity when one looks in the right places. I am eternally grateful for my Masterclass subscription and all the wonderful masters I get to meet and learn from in a very intimate, natural and well produced style. Lately I’ve been spending time sharpening my skills on CreativeLive and StudioBinder‘s YouTube channel too. If you are interested in developing yourself professionally in Film, Photography and web try these websites, they are wonderful tools for self development.

The writing is on the wall for me, going forward, more making/doing, less consuming. More positive use of technology.

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